Aggressive Congruence
© 2000 Bob King, www.rc-king.com
Behaving congruently is hard. I do not always say those tough things that need to be said. I do not always know that the other person can take care of himself or herself. To make good on the opportunity confronting me -- to reach that level of effectiveness that I feel is inside of me -- I must work congruently and aggressively.
Christopher Alexander, the architect, says that if a system is designed in a way that encourages the exercise of its inner forces, that system and all who encounter it are more alive.
I am one of three people who began coding a modeling tool about 18 months ago. We were building the modeling tool that we wanted and felt did not exist in the market. We found a neat idea, began to code with it in mind, and figured the product would emerge from the work that we were doing. I have come to call this process: "Build it and the product idea will come." Unfortunately, the product idea has not yet fully emerged.
And now, I find myself in a place where I have not gone before. I am frightened to my wit's end. Everything I do now has a new focus: how can I be more effective? And am I up to it? I am on a typical path for a founder of a software startup -- use up savings, find those life insurance policies with cash values, pay some penalties to the IRS to withdraw IRA money, and actually use some of those credit cards sent in the mail. The path was always described to me in financial terms and has lived up to that billing.
But, what is more provocative is the edgy urgency I feel. The coming months will call for a level of effectiveness that I probably have not been willing to attain or accept before. That kind of effectiveness does not come from longer hours or from working harder. It is not about single-mindedness in the pursuit of a goal. It is not about finding ways to get others to do what you want them to do. I am tempted by each of these as I feel more time and money pressures. For me, at this moment in my life, that higher level of effectiveness will come from aggressiveness. I must work aggressively to be congruent in every encounter I have -- not just when it's convenient.
But being congruent is hard. I do not always say those tough things that need to be said. I do not always know that the other person can take care of himself or herself. I do not always trust that I can understand the other person or hear them say that I do not understand. I do not always relax and see what is really there or have the confidence to accept it for what it is.
Sometimes, I use the excuse that always doing these things is too hard, and that the return does not match the effort. In fact, sometimes I feel downright "slimed." I might feel trapped by a situation, or by people not treating each other with respect, or by an environment that is not set up for productive work. The trap, I have to come to realize, is that the slime does not come from the outside. It comes from me. It emerges from the gap between my ability to be congruent in these situations and what my inner forces are telling me to do.
To make good on the opportunity confronting me -- to reach that level of effectiveness that I feel is inside of me -- I must work congruently and aggressively to eliminate this gap. Whenever I feel that slime oozing around me, I must listen to my inner forces and act on them. I think I am beginning to understand what Alexander had in mind when he talked about feeling more alive.
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