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DealingWiththeMirrorWhen all is said and done, and you're all alone, how do you deal with the person in the mirror? A poster on my wall says The things we do In TheBonusEffect Jim Bullock says I'll be a workman worthy of the hire, out of simple respect for myself to start with. I vehemntly agree with this. I must respect myself, otherwise no one else will. It's a zero order requirement. How do you deal with the person in the mirror? What are your zero order requirements? What do you do to make sure you're prepared to be what's needed before it's too late? What would an AYE session on this topic look like? If there's enough interest, maybe we can have BOF this year. DonGray 2005.08.20 Well, my mirror is not the one on the wall, but the faces of those people with whom I interact. If I notice something curious in that mirror, I speak to the mirror and say, "What's happening for you right now?" I take my cue from what my mirror says. - JerryWeinberg 2005.08.20 Don asks What would an AYE session on this topic look like?
SteveSmith 2005.08.20 I talk to myself while looking in the mirror. Sometimes silently and sometimes out loud. In recent years I've learned about congruent communication and other things that help me with this. I listen better to the person in the mirror than I used to. Am I the only person who talks to himself? DwaynePhillips 21 August 2005 Dwayne asks Am I the only person who talks to himself? I talk to myself, but I don't know how much I talk to the image in the mirror. It happens, but I don't know whether it's my preferred method of dialoging with myself. I'll observe over the next few days and let you know. SteveSmith 2005.08.21 The right half and the left half of my brain converse with one another all the time. Literally. Most of the time its about the right half wanting the left half to let it do some task.- JerryWeinberg 2005.08.21 I ask myself, what behaviors do I need to:
One of my freinds this weekend said after his father-in-law died, "I will love the ones around me even more." CharlesAdams 2005.08.22 Dwayne asks Am I the only person who talks to himself? My reply I talk to myself, but I don't know how much I talk to the image in the mirror. It happens, but I don't know whether it's my preferred method of dialoging with myself. I'll observe over the next few days and let you know. I sing to myself while looking into the mirror. The song that I have been singing lately is Crystal Blue Persuasion written by Tommy James & The Shondells. Look over yonder what do you see I have never thought much about why I sing to myself. I suspect it's to inspire myself. I have highlighted the lines that I think my unconscious is trying to tell me. This doesn't happen consciously. It just happens. And for some reason it happens in the morning in front of the mirror and earlier in the shower. The shower. Yes... I have noticed that I talk to myself all the time. But the best conversations happen in the shower. Like the water, the conversations flow on and on interrupted by singing. I haven't yet detected the left-brain right-brain conversations that Jerry has with himself. I think they are there. My internal conversations are between my different parts. A part is usually asking for permission from the project manager to come out and play, which the PM may not allow. Hmm... I suspect that's the same thing Jerry is talking about but stated differently. SteveSmith 2005.08.24 I don't talk to myself in the mirror, but I do talk to myself a lot, sometimes when I am alone and sometimes when there are other people around. Some of them think I am crazy, but most of them get used to it. I have colleagues who occasionally ask me to tell them if I am talking to them, as they usually assume I am talking to myself. My mother still says "Of course I talk to myself, no one else listens." SherryHeinze 2005.08.24 I talk to myself all the time. I sing and hum to myself almost as often. Too often, the humming or singing leaks out. (The singing especially embarrasses my kids :-) But I'm not sure that the singing is introspection. I'm sure the humming/singing is a reflection of my mood. I think the internal talking is planning. That doesn't sound much like introspection to me. Or is it? -- JohannaRothman 2005.08.25 Well, Johanna, that last line certainly sounds like introspection. - JerryWeinberg 2005.08.28 Yes, but that's the meta-talking, not the chatter that constantly goes on inside my head. Jerry, let me ask you a question: when you're in the writing-down part of book writing, do you hear some of the book in your head? -- JohannaRothman 2005.05.29 Yes, I can hear the characters talking. When I can't, then I know I haven't fleshed them out enough. This is true in fiction or non-fiction. - JerryWeinberg 2005.05.29 I talk out loud to myself when I�m alone. (So as not to be thought too crazy, I try to limit it to occasions when I am alone!) I also talk to the dog, the cat, my computer, and the mirror. Like any incessantly and incorrigibly verbal person, I�ll talk to anything. I�m a strong T and relentlessly analytical. I don�t voice introspection out loud to myself. I talk to my partner a lot, but rarely to anyone else unless I think I�ve got a piece of a problem figured out already. But I do write it sometimes. It helps to lay out a problem so I can see the angles and possibly reshape them. Writing about a problem or recollection often exposes things I hadn�t seen. If I find my thoughts circling with no progress, writing them down can end that. I try not to make what I write fiction, but that�s unavoidable with any narrative shaping, whether we write it or tell it. Still, there can be more emotional truth in fiction than in bald fact. Often the act of writing serves the purpose and I never go back to what I�ve written. After I came back from PSL I had trouble focusing on work, so I wrote about 9/11: what it felt like, what I�d observed of other people�s reactions, what I thought about all of that. It broke the logjam. Now I can�t find what I wrote, and it doesn�t matter. A Shape thread triggered me to write recently (for myself) about a devastating high school experience. As I wrote, I was taken aback to feel my pupils dilating with anger. I had thought I�d worked through all that years ago. But there was something about it that felt odd. I realized this morning that it wasn�t old anger resurfacing at all. It was rational adult anger, at the stupidity of adults then. Those were liberating thoughts � that the negative emotion and pain really had gone out of that experience, but also that I could have a healthy grown-up reaction to it -- and then let that go. I don�t think I would have got there without writing a mirror. -- FionaCharles 29-Aug-2005 Fiona, I love your ending phrase, "writing a mirror". Quite a few years ago, I was encouraged to start journaling. I never kept it up, however, because I didn't like how I was writing. But, I find myself starting up again... and this time is may be a positive experience. I'll think of you and your phrase when I do, so Thanks! -- DianeGibson 17-Sept-2005 Diane, I'm glad you took it up again. You see, the Wicked Witch, when she doesn't like what her mirror tells her, either breaks the mirror or goes out and tries to kill Snow White (depends on the fairy tale). The Good Witch puts on some lipstick, and smiles. - JerryWeinberg 2005.09.18
Updated: Monday, September 19, 2005 |
