SessionTwo016

C16. How Extraverts and Introverts Can Work Together Effectively
NaomiKarten, BeckyWinant

Description

Virginia Satir noted that we connect based on our similarities and grow based on our differences. But for that growth to flourish, we must appreciate these differences, respect them, and accommodate them.

One such difference is that between extraverts* (Es) and introverts (Is). Both extraverts and introverts can talk your head off. And both need quiet time for reflection. But Es and Is differ in ways that can lead to miscommunication, confusion and conflict. When forging relationships, carrying out projects, seeking buy-in, and selling ideas,you are more likely to succeed if you understand these differences.

For example, extraverts get their energy from interacting with other people, and tend to be animated and expressive. Introverts get their energy internally -- much of their communication takes place on the inside, a quiet and private place not accessible by others. Thus, they are often less talkative, animated and expressive. (Of course, we are multi-dimensional critters, and our behavior is influenced by much more than whether we prefer introversion or extraversion). In this session, we'll strive to understand the E/I dynamic. We'll consider how our own extraversion or introversion affects others, and we'll explore what Es and Is can do to accommodate and respect each other. And you can be sure that we'll have fun being playful about E/I differences, because, well, they are sometimes just plain funny. So, whether you hope to compete for the gold in the Yap-athon, or you don't know which end of the telephone you talk into, you qualify for this session.

With an awareness of E/I differences, you can make choices about how you interact with others -- and how you express what you need from them -- so as to work with them amicably and productively. Please join us and gain numerous concrete, implementable ideas for interacting more effectively with others.

*Note: This spelling of "extravert" is not a typo. In everyday English, it's spelled "extrovert." However, in the context of psychological type, which is what we're addressing here, it's spelled "extravert."

Learning Objectives:

To deepen participants' understanding of the extravert/introvert dynamic and to provide strategies and techniques to help extraverts and introverts work together effectively

Based on the current schedule, I won't be able to attend this session, but I was thinking about this this morning & I decided to write it down here.

I am on contract at a large local company, working on a major project integrating new and legacy systems. The content and the dates keep changing because the project is date driven and the dates are chosen by management. It a situation we have all dealt with before - everything gets moved back to the next release because the schedule is too aggressive, until you get to the last release. Then you have to change the dates. We are at the last release, so the dates and the content are changing.

I have been working on 2 applications, with one of them taking 80% of my time. That application has just been postponed. I looked at my workload and decided that neither my time or my skills are really needed, and that I should tell someone. I report to 2 project managers, an extravert and an introvert. I am an introvert. It took no thought to decide to call the introvert, but it did take me a while to figure out why I did.

I have worked with a lot of extraverts. My daughter and my best friend are both strong extraverts, and we deal well together. But if I have important information to pass on in a work environment, I always deal with an introvert, if I can. Many, though certainly not all, extraverts do not recognize that I am slowly leading up to something I need to give background and current status on. My brain does not work the same way as theirs. Somehow, we usually get sidetracked before I have finished what I have to say.

I am trying to get better at saying that I still have something to add, since I do know whose problem it is if I can't communicate successfully (mine). But it never occurred to me before that sometimes who I communicate to in a work environment is sometimes as preference based as who I talk to in my personal life. SherryHeinze 2002.6.20

I guess that's the whole point (or much of the point) of studying personality types - so you'll make your choices consciously, even if they're the same choices you made before. My instincts tell me that it's better that way, but of course, I'm an Introvert, too. - JerryWeinberg 2002.06.20

Recently I spent some time with a group who brought me in to learn more about Creative Problem Solving. At the end of the session we discussed MBTI and E and I differences. Reflecting on the workshop, I found it interesting how the I's did what they did and never felt a need to specifically tell anyone. Also it was equally interesting to see how the E's felt compelled to discuss the merits of their approach which delayed the group actions.

As an extravert, I like to be able to get feedback. I have had Introverts talk to me with the expressed request of it being "private", which I took to mean that we wouldn't open this up until they were ready. Okay. In all of my experience with E/I I realize that I can see clues that tell me when to shut up, when to ask, when to slow down. The key for me is having some sense of the interaction. (Enter the problem of e-nteraction!)

So, for me Wiki words and email are often fraught with peril. Words can be interpretted many ways. I can't see the body language. I can't sense what's happening based on what I see on your face. I feel like I'm experiencing half of an interaction.

- BeckyWinant (ENFP) - 2002.06.24

I agree that Wiki words and email are only half an interaction. Even phone conversations are not much better. But they are all better than only interacting once a year. SherryHeinze (INFP) 2002.06.30

Sherry, What a delightful thought - to realize that we will see each other at least once a year! And, yes, it would be nice to do more. Thinking of starting an AYE Canada for spring in the most Beautiful Rockies?

By the way, I have such a clear impresison of you, that I always imagine you speaking (your face and voice) when I read your mail. Adds to my enjoyment and sense of connection. I do this for others I have met - Shannon, Keith, Mike, Erwin come to mind in recent exchanges, plus those I've had the pleasure to get to know better - Nynke and John S. Other AYEcon-ites I know well and, of course, my AYE co-hosts. I use these memories and impressions to frame the conversations in writing.

Now, I have realized that this sometimes gets me in trouble on those ocassions where my sense of voice is wrong.

I wonder if others - whether E or I - do this, too? How do you try to frame communications with others in various contexts? - BeckyWinant 2002.06.30

I (an I) have a great deal of trouble talking on the phone with people I haven't met in person. I (an I) don't have trouble writing email (or wiki responses or Shape Forum responses) to people I haven't met in person. I don't know what it all means except that if you want to talk with me on the phone, it would be best to come to AYE and meet me in person first. Of course, I also love to meet people at AYE whom I've so far known only through cyberspace, which is why I'm staying over Thursday to hang out with the Shapers who are at AYE, and there's going to be quite a few of them. - JerryWeinberg 2002.06.30

I am an I, but not a strong I. When I speak or write to someone I have met, I picture them too. It does help. I agree with Jerry that writing a stranger is easier than talking on the phone.

The project I was just on had people working in three different cities, and I initially found it difficult to relate to any of them. Over time (a few weeks), I developed good relationships with a few of them, and workable relationships with others. When I finally met them, the ones I related to best in person were the same ones I had been able to bond with on the phone. The ones I had the most trouble with on the phone were the ones I had the most trouble connecting to in person. Actually, the best thing about that contract is that I will be more willing and better able to deal remotely in future.

AYE in the spring in Canada, Becky? An interesting concept. With the Canadian dollar so low, expenses would go way down. You and I will have to talk in Phoenix. SherryHeinze 2002.07.01

I was so involved in this one that I did not take notes. Perhaps the major issue was how we can accomodate each other. One major problem that we run into is that Extraverts want input or feedback from Introverts faster than we can provide it. The most workable solution is to give the Introverts some notice. As much as I am willing to cooperate, I cannot make my brain work well on demand.

SherryHeinze 2002.11.11

Sherry, you take nice notes even when you don't remember to take notes!

I had a conflict, and couldn't make this session, but both Type Talk, by Kroeger & Thuesen and Journey of the Software Professional by Hohmann discuss allowing time for introverts to prepare. Published agenda will afford pre-work time much as this Wiki did, allowing the introverts to be fully productive in rather than after the meeting. In an ad hoc situation, extraverts need to learn that pauses let us think. Silence is OK. It's hard, but it pays off.

BobLee 2002.11.11

Bob and Sherry,

Thanks for the contributions!

Another useful book is Gifts Differing: Understandnging Personality Type by Isabel Briggs Myers with Peter B. Myers.

- BeckyWinant 2002.11.12

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Updated: Tuesday, November 12, 2002