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ManagingPerceptions

Well, performance reviews for 2005 at my company are finally wrapping up. I had my own review with my manager this week, and while I was very pleased, I was left with some headscratchers.

One of the developmental areas identified was 'Managing Perceptions'. I was not surprised to see it there, as this has come up before. I often think around how my behaviour could be perceived by others, and how I can influence what those perceptions are. While my manager admits that some of the perceptions may be unfair, a perception still exists and needs to be considered.

Feedback from some people was that I am too organized, too detailed in managing work & projects, and too professional. The general feedback was that I can be intimidating as a result. Most interestingly, both men and women had said this. I am all for managing perception, but I am at a lost as to what I can do for these. In all fairness, these individuals also identified these areas to be my strengths.

This opened up another line of discussion with my manager about 'strong' women and how they manage these perceptions (my manager is a female also), and "Does a man with the same strengths get perceived in the same manner?".

I am interested to hear some suggestions around how these sorts of perceptions can be managed (if at all).

-- SelenaDelesie 2006.01.27

" . . . feedback from some people was that I am too organized, too detailed in managing work & projects, and too professional."

Well, this is just totally ironic for me as I've been working the last couple months to get my organized, detailed, and professional act together better.

Even so, maybe I can help with this. When I hear "too XXX" and XXX is at least some of the time a good thing, I have learned to hear it as "too much XXX" and that is a conclusion. Can you be too rich or too thin? Some say no, although I'm not likely to ever find out. Yet, you can be so rich that it gets in the way of other things, and so thin that you never enjoy good food. This latter is why I'm, pesonally, likely to never be too thin. I just gave examples of two common ways to get to the "too whatever" conclusion, BTW.

• So whatever (say, organized) that it gets in the way of other, better stuff. For example so focused on "thin" that you'll never have a caprese when the first local summer tomatos come in, with fresh basil, craft mozzarela, and a dry reisling, looking out over the sound at a summer sunset. I am willing to forgoe a certain amount of "thin" to have my caprese. Also a certain amount of "organized" to respond to the unanticipated.
  
  
• So whatever (say "detail oriented") that the trade-off cost is too high. Some folks are so focused on money that they never have any fun of other kinds. Not me, which is why I'll never be "too rich."

So, it comes down to values, and what's important. Whenever you have several people, they'll have different opinions about what's important, and different opinions about how to get that. You aren't too organized, you are too organized to allow the person talking to get something they want, or at least they think so according to how they thing the world works. The equivalent in "thin" and "rich" is kind of like somebody who is dieting setting my menu, or someone who needs that second yacht setting my priorities. I personally wrangle about money because the solutions I've found that result in "enough" as in "enough for me" actually result in "way more than I need" and at a cost I'm not thrilled with.

What to do? I'd ask some questions like: "How's that?" or "Really? What do we want to have happen in stead?" Two other possibilities to explore.

• It's possible to be very competent in ways that some folks will find intimidating, and in ways that are less likely to be intimidating. You can't control how they feel, really. You can control what you present them. With competence, for example, it's good to celebrate everybody's contribution vs. present comparisons and critiques. If they choose not to contribute, or can't handle your contribution being more than or different from theirs, well, that's mostly their problem.
  
  
• The particular items used: "organized . . . detailed . . . professional" sometimes point to a disguised ask for some human connection. "Dude, we never talk about sports, it's always about the project." or "Dude, it's always about the list of deliverables, and never about how I feel about what is going on." The social norms are something you can negotiate. Just because "they" want it, doesn't mean that you have to provide it. Then again, they're not required to tolerate you, if you are sufficiently different in the norms you prefer. (Dumb on their part, but there's plenty of that to go around.)

From these suggestions you might gather that I've heard the "too whatever" thing myself, and you'd be right. The important thing to remember is there is always a "for what" and "says who" that goes along with being too professional, for example. Also that you can ultimately choose how much is right for you, although the choice may have consequences.

There's another whole take on this kind of thing, but enough for now. I hope this helps.

- JimBullock 2006.01.27 (Too complete for my own good . . . ) 2006.01.30 (Edits.)

You're TOO PROFESSIONAL? What are you supposed to be--an idiot? You're TOO ORGANIZED? What are you supposed to be--a helpless person? You're initimidating? To whom? when? Oh, when someone tells me I'm intimidating, it's all I can do to not stand up to my entire 8 feet tall, tower over them, and let them have it with both barrels. (My physical size has never held me back from feeling intimidating at any height.)

I would need examples before I can come close to not foaming at the mouth.

Feedback is always about the giver, not just the receiver's supposed actions. If your company doesn't want organized professional people, I can help them hire unorganized unprofessional people. But I doubt that's what they want. I suspect you're showing someone else up, someone like your manager or your manager's manager, maybe. Someone with more perceived political power than other people?

Ok, I've done enough damage for now. I'll go chill and reconsider what some reasonable advice might be. -- JohannaRothman 2006.01.28 (it is where I am)

<grin> Well, I must admit that my initial reaction was very similar to Johanna's. However, she said it all very well, so instead of repeating her now I'm wondering what else might be going on here. I feel a need to get back to the original data, who exactly is saying what about you, and what is their tone of voice and expression like while they're saying it? And what conclusions and and editing and filtering is your manager adding to it?

Jim's got some good points, things that didn't occur to me until I saw his comments. I'm a very strong ISJ and I can often miss the need others have for 'humanness' when I get rolling on a project.

I understand that you're getting this feedback 3rd hand, thru your manager, which complicates things enormously. When this happens to me, it's very easy for me to jump to conclusions and to go haring off on some course that only makes sense if my unseen assumptions and conclusions are 100% perfect. And they very rarely are. I am slowly learning to stop, take a deep breath, and check my data first, when I find myself getting really upset.

--SuePetersen 2006.01.28

I read this last night and was so distracted by the steam coming out of my ears I couldn't think of anything reasonable to say.

I still can't. But hell, if you're so intimidating to these morons, never mind managing their perceptions (which you can't control anyway). Maybe you should just enjoy it!

--FionaCharles 28-Jan-2006

I read this as:

too organized = not creative enough

too detailed = not forgiving enough of others

too professional = not friendly enough

This is difficult given the feedback is coming through several filters.

Some things that you may consider as replies:

Would you please describe some of my behavior that leads to the "too whatever" label?

How does that behavior of mine affect others around me?

How would they like me to behave differently?

DwaynePhillips 29 January 2006

The comments focus on characteristics rather than behaviours. If you are seriously concerned, why not ask for one or more specific examples of behaviour that made someone else uncomfortable. What were the circumstances? What was the behaviour? How did it affect the other person(s)? How might you have behaved differently, to achieve a more positive effect while still doing your job well?

FionaCharles 29-Jan-2006

Does this mean you received a pay increase? If so, congratulations.

Selena wrote: I was left with some headscratchers.

Are you the only person who reports to your manager who was left with headscratchers?

Selena wrote: Feedback from some people was that I am too organized, too detailed in managing work & projects, and too professional. The general feedback was that I can be intimidating as a result.... but I am at a lost as to what I can do for these. In all fairness, these individuals also identified these areas to be my strengths.

Okay let's rewrite the review. "Selena is always kind and accomodating. Her first concern is always for her fellow workers. She changes the schedule often so that workers can catch up: She never holds our feet to the fire. She works intuitively and, although we have never delivered anything, I always enjoy being around her." Is this the kind of review you want?

If you were less organized, less detailed, less professional would you receive a pay increase?

Selena wrote One of the developmental areas identified was 'Managing Perceptions'. I was not surprised to see it there, as this has come up before... While my manager admits that some of the perceptions may be unfair, a perception still exists and needs to be considered.

You've reveived similar feedback in the past and yet you received a review this year that pleases you. Hmm... Sounds like the "Selena is too..." is noise. Stick with the signal. I recommend "do nothing." Move on.

SteveSmith 2006.01.29

SherryHeinze 2006.01.29

When I run into this sort of pseudo-feedback I use questions like these to unearth some useful information:

*What have you seen and heard that will help me understand your assessment? *Would you give me some specific examples to help me understand the issues you see? *What have you seen about how ____________ is affecting my results? *Can you share your thoughts about how ___________ impacts my effectiveness?

When you specific examples and an understanding of the impact of the behavior, you can choose how/what/whether to make adjustments.

I wrote an article on this topic a while back: link

EstherDerby 013006

"I'm a very strong ISJ" (And I'd speculate with a "T" preference - jb.) Well, I'm shocked, shocked . . . not.

Not the least of the give away (and BTW, Madam Johanna the Tall is another T/J, so of course you two "reach") is what didn't come through from my earlier comment. I wasn't direct enough. They might actually be right.

• There is such a thing as over organization. How am I defining "over organization?" "Organized" to the point it detracts from getting what you want - getting less organized would get you more of what you want vs. less.
  
  
• There is such a thing as "good enough" organization. How am I defining "good enough organization?" Organized enough that it's sufficient for what you are trying to do.

I've seen some people for whom it is literally impossible to be "too" organized, or "too" detail oriented. At the extreme you get OCD, and they can't function if the pencils aren't in exactly a straight line - organized. Most of the time that doesn't matter at all. Sometimes it does.

-- JimBullock, 2006.01.30

<g> Yes Jim, I can be pretty 'T', but mostly when I'm really stressed. When I'm relaxed, I can go either way depending on the situation. And, yes, I do have my OCD moments, although I like to think that I don't let it get in the way of getting the important things done.

I've also gotten frustrated, trying to work with people who (IMO) get overly organized and let it get in the way of getting things done. My husband and I have a standard, very predictable grumble with each other whenever we try to sort taxes or pay bills. He wants to look at everything and I want to get the checks written and the papers filed. I think it's enough to get the invoices in the proper file folder, roughly organized by date, and he's taking things out of envelopes, stacking them neatly, stapling them perfectly, finding every related piece of paper someone might conceivable want... I'm hyper-focused on the immediate task and he's looking at every paper and going off on tangents to check things, taking hours and hours to get done and driving me NUTS in the process. :-) Somehow, after 29 years of this, we still manage to get done without killing each other. <g>

But this kind of mismatched priorities might be behind the feedback that Selena is getting.

--SuePetersen 2006.01.31

--FionaCharles 31-Jan-2006

I was heading for bed when I saw this thread,
Now I'll be up all night scratching my head.
I have some thoughts, and to deal with this curse,
I think they will all tumble out in a verse.

First on caprese, tomatoes and mozarella, you bet,
You also need a 25-year balsamic vinagrette.
It's smooth and vibrant as it runs down your throat,
As around all the skinny people you gloat.

Now on to this 'too' stuff, and what's in my head,
My strengths are my weaknesses, I always have said.
Selena I'll guess that it also applies much to you,
Your strengths will be your weaknesses too.

It's all in the environment, the time or the place,
As to whether you get stars or egg on your face.
I'm 6'5" and you have a longer inseam,
That makes you intimidating, but also a dream.

(I'll be intimidated and let Aaron do the dreaming. :-) )

Some say professional, we like that a bunch,
Others see business, she never takes lunch.
You're well organized, we know what to do,
But can't we goof off and have some fun too?

I have a question, how old is this bunch?
Some fresh college grads think its all a free lunch.
My perception is you are smart, ahead of the game,
But the crowd coming along does not think the same.

Anything professional, with structure and drive,
Is not something they've seen while they're alive.
Your reasons for running a methodical plan,
May need explaining again and again.

"Are your lights on?" is a great Weinberg work,
With a chapter - Janet Jaworski Joggles a Jerk.
In it we learn how we say what we say,
Determines reactions of the people in play.

Find three different ways to say here is our plan,
And reflect on its effects on your fellow man.
From that exercise you can learn a few tricks,
On getting your treats and avoiding the tricks.

But while we must watch their reaction to you,
We can also glance at your response too.
They might not like the right thing to do,
And file complaints on your performance review.
But you are the manager, you make the big dough,
To be most professional when the going gets rough.

(Well it looks like it should rhyme.)

Do their perceptions get in the way of the task?
Do you perceive they don't do what you ask?
Maybe it's just the performance review,
That let's them say what they think of you.

Maybe all year, they do just what you say.
And don't really think you are too either way.
If that is true, Steve's advice is the best.
Hear just the signal and ignore all the rest.

And speaking of rest, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

--KurtSimmons 2006.02.01

SteveSmith 2006.02.01

-JerryWeinberg 2006.02.01

--KurtSimmons 2006.02.02

Kurt, what a wonderful jiggle your poem is! :-)

Fiona - yes, many people want to talk about sports and about their kids. It's a way of 'making contact', of understanding who other people are, of feeling 'touched' and understood. I struggle with this also, not that I'm unwilling to talk about my kids <g>, but as the boss/owner I do try to keep a certain distance. My first priority must be the health of the business itself, or everybody will suffer... I've found out the hard way that many employees will not understand that, and will think I am hard and bitchy. Oh well... <shrug>

Kurt reminded me of a wonderful story in Jerry's book, and I think I should reread it again. 'Janet Jaworski' handled her difficult situation a lot better than I usually do!

--SuePetersen 2006.02.02

Back when e-mail first came out I recall a psychologist's report that the rise in e-mail corresponded with an increase in handwritten notes around the office. The argument was that as technology increased distance that people took steps to fill in humanity. The pace of life has increased. Someone noted recently that they had little time to reflect on and learn from their AYE experiences. I felt that as well. Life has quite the boogie to it of late and we all struggle to keep up.

You jump up in the morning, scarf a microwaved meal (if you are lucky), have a rushed commute to the office, work all day, and drag in too late to play and have fun before getting up and doing it all again. One benefit is high pay (relatively speaking) and an overall increase in standard of living. The downside is the tearing apart of small community units (families and neighborhoods). However we are all human and need contact (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional) with other humans. It is quite logical to expect an increase in bonding efforts at the work place.

As managers you need to recognize that. And as with most problems it is a question of balance. How do we balance the rigorous needs of work with the soft needs of human contact? Or was that the question that started all this?

--KurtSimmons 2006.02.02

Well said, Kurt! And if we get the balance right, we just might find that work and our humanity do not conflict. I've had that happen a few times in my adult life. What a pleasure to be at such work! And the productivity goes up as well. I also know how hard that is, because it has happened so few times in my adult life. But I'm learning and I think Jerry, his ideas, and all of you are helping me.

Selena,

From your description it sounds like your management is attempting to give you information as opposed to evaluating you on the issues in question. Do they practice what I've heard called "360" evaluations/surveys? 360 as in degrees of the compass, that is, input from managers, peers, and subordinates. Perhaps the information provided is yours to do with as you see fit.

-- MikeMelendez 2006.02.03

This reminded me of an old New Yorker cartoon, where two suited guys are walking down the crowded street, and one is saying to the other, "Nowadays, you have to make a choice between quality of life and standard of living."

For me, it's no contest. - JerryWeinberg 2006.02.03

Kurt, it is hard to make time to think of our AYE experiences and harder still to find people to talk to about them in person rather than electronically. But I find the experiences and the lessons come back anyway and I see changes in my attitude and behaviour over time. I don't notice them as often as I did the first couple of years because my "normal" has changed. I do wonder how I got to this strange planet more often, but I don't feel lonely here now because I am not alone.

Selena, it is wonderful to see you using the WIKI to talk about stuff like this. The WIKI is what got me through from one November to the next the first couple of years. It still helps a lot.

SherryHeinze 2006.02.04

Once they have the perception it might be more work to manage it than it is to fill in the blanks first. Should we worry about managing perceptions or about creating a more accurate projection in the first place? And does all that come from "congruence?" (It's a fancy word I learned at a conference last year, but I am still not sure what it means. Not enough time to read up on it.)

--KurtSimmons 2006.02.04

But to the extent that you can be congruent, people will tend to perceive you as you are inside. If you don't want them to perceive how you really are inside, then incongruence may serve that purpose--but will have other effects. I do recommend you study up on congruence. You can read about it in my QSM volumes. Volume 3, Congruent Action, especially. Maybe I should conduct a session on congruence this year? - JerryWeinberg 2006.02.05

Selena, now that I've had some time to cool off, Dwayne's questions really appeal to me. Asking about the "too" behavior is a great idea. I do hope you ask those questions and let us know something about the outcome. -- JohannaRothman 2006.02.06

Selena, are you there? There has been a lot of traffic as we meander (sometimes poetically) in our own grooves.

What is going on for you right now?

-- JimBullock 2006.02.07 (Not an "F" preference but sometimes I play one on TV . . . )

I appreciate all the input, thank you.
-- SelenaDelesie 2006.02.09

For those external to my immediate team, making that 'connection' might be a challenge, as I thought that was happening. I work with these people on a fairly regular basis; we do talk about non-work things, and I ask questions to learn more about them as people. I do spend time with some of them outside of work, although not as often as I used to. I suppose it could be that the 'too' attributes overpower the human connection aspect, but the question would be 'why?'.

My initial reaction was similar to Johanna's. My manager did indicate that some of the feedback was unfair, but we are both advocates of obtaining feedback and and choosing to use it (or not) to improve self and relations with others. The feedback was 360, and interestingly my direct reports had great things to say - even the ones who do speak up. A couple had advice in influencing perceptions others have, but that was it. In regards to Sue's question, my manager did a straight copy & paste of the feedback, so it is not her interpretation. It came directly from other managers, and a couple of other leads.

Dwayne's comments put an interesting spin on things. It could be that the persons' in question are feeling that way, but they might not. The suggested replies are certainly worth a try though. I totally agree with Esther's comments, as I didn't find the feedback useful without examples either.

One person's feedback was a little more telling in what they are feeling: "never takes on more work than she can handle". I found that surprising, as that isn't the case at all. I just manage my workload differently. Strangely, someone else felt I portrayed that I had more work to do than others (which isn't at all how I feel). I did follow up with one person in particular to get some specific examples, but they weren't able to pinpoint any. They did say that "you appear to place yourself in a higher position than you are in (�on a pedestal� comes to mind)", and that it stems from numerous conversations they have had with different individuals...

Kurt, your post was fabulous! I will take your suggestion in finding three different ways to say something, and choose the better option. Steve, I appreciate your comments, thank you! Pay increases happen separately next month, but the results are supposed to tie into the review. I am expecting one though! That aside, I'm told my work this year needs to be more visible to the exec's (not just to teams and managers), to prove my worth outweighs my 'youth', and then the big bucks should follow. That's a whole other issue.

At the end of the day, while I am not up-in-arms about the situation, I would like to figure out if the sentiment is limited to a few individuals, or if it is more widespread. Leaving the situation as is likely is not the best course of action. Some of these people have influence with higher-ups, and their negative perceptions could be a detriment to my future growth here (I know, I could go somewhere else; but the timing isn't right just yet). I just need to figure out what I can do differently with these people in particular. :) Moving forwards, I plan to be more aware in how I am presenting myself, especially around these few individuals. Congruence will be next on my to-read list.

Thank you again for all your insightful feedback! You have certainly provided some things to think about.

-- SelenaDelesie 2006.02.09 (Edit)