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NoBirdsofaFeather

Note added for 2004

This was such a good BOF that I've converted into a regular session for 2004. Hopefully all the nice comments will still apply. - JerryWeinberg 2004.08.04

Any takers? (Ha, I know you can't say NO.) - JerryWeinberg 2002.09.23

• It's OK for them to want what they want
  • It helps to acknowledge and repeat what they want (to check that you both have the same understanding) dg
  • Just because it's OK does not mean you have to give it to them dl
  • It's OK for you to want what you want, too dl
• If it's not negotiable, don't negotiate
  • "I can't, because ..." is different than "I can't, unless ..." dl
• If it is impossible, say "I don't know how" instead of "I can't"
  • If you don't know, say so: "I don't know how to 'x'..." In some cases, it may be appropriate to ask the requestor to show you how they would do it. And, once you've said this, you need to stick with it. dg
  • There is no shame in not knowing something (especially if you are being asked to do the impossible.) dg
• You don't have to answer if it is not a question
  • "You're not wearing a red shirt!" dl
  • "I'm very disappointed that you are saying no." dl
• You don't have to answer if it is a question. jw
  • especially if it's a multiple choice question and the answer you want isn't there jw
  • you can always say "I don't understand the question" or "I can't answer that" jw
  • or (as it occurs to me when I see "I can't" above, "I don't know how to answer that." mb
• You can ask for help or time
  • "I have to check with my boss on that, and I'll get back to you." dl
  • If you are really unsure, you can say "I need to think about that. I'll get back to you in x time." dg
• Offer alternatives, if you can
  • In one example we saw, the boss was offered the opportunity to visit and see the ever changing schedule and the unknowns on the schedule on the wall, in place of the 'spreadsheet' defining everything. dg
• If you can't say "No", nobody can trust your "Yes" either!
  • This leads into the "stretch schedules" pressure and the padded estimates response in a downward spiral. bl

Recollections by:

• 2002.11.10 DaveLiebreich (Original recollections list creator)
• 2002.11.10 BobLee - bl
• 2002.11.11 DianeGibson - dg
• 2002.11.11 JerryWeinberg - jw
• 2006.03.21 MichaelBolton - mb (some threads never die)

I've coached teams on saying No (to out-of-band requests from Sales and Marketing) by doing a role play. Someone would play "Sales", and would come to a developer with an escalating set of requests, of the type that inject destabilizing "requirements" into a project. The lengths some developers would go to avoid a direct "No" were comical. I'd like to get some coaching on how to be a better coach in these situations.

DaveSmith 24 Sep 2002

- BeckyWinant 9-24-02

No, I won't miss this opportunity, if only to prove that I can make a decision.

- JimBullock, 2002.10.1

Results report: In the event, I said "no" to attending the No-BOF, admitting to fatigue and managing the fact that my appetite exceeded my capacity.

I think for 2004 I'll decline to express an intention, and see how that feels. -- JimBullock 2004.08.04