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AppreciateTheBehaviorYouWant

See also AppreciatedBehaviorStories

A project retrospective may take place a long time after the things that worked well were done. This delay in reinforcing the desired behavior may result in the behavior not being repeated.

What is an effective way to reinforce desired behavior? You don't have to wait for a project retrospective. You don't have to be an executive. You don't have to be a manager. You just need to explicitly appreciate people for what they did.

When someone behaves effectively, tell them.

Last Friday, one of my customers systems had a performance problem. The local system engineering manager, Janet, rushed to the customer site and began coordinating all resources. She didn't have to behave that way: She could have managed the problem like her colleagues by staying in her office and managing the problem over the phone. Her personal hands-on approach made a difference in how the problem was handled and the customer's satisfaction with the process.

There are lots of way to frame a reinforcement. I am trained to frame the conversation like this -- "Janet, I appreciate you for going on-site and managing the problem at XYZ on Friday. I believe your actions helped turn a bad situation into something positive. The customer now knows we can provide them the kind of service that they need during tough times. Nice work."

Janet smiles and seems a little embarrassed. She just got reinforcement. I hope you agree that Janet is more likely to repeat the desired behavior than if no one said anything to her.

I would like you to do the following -- share with me five appreciations you give to people whose effective behavior deserves reinforcement.

I'll do the same thing. I hope to see a big list by the end of the week.

SteveSmith 2002.09.08

I often include "appreciations" as part of a retrospective. I do this becuase it seems that people seldom take time to appreaciate each other (in any way) during a high stress project.

So I make that space, usually after we finish putting the timeline up. I put up a sheet of flip paper with the formula: "___________, I appreciate you for _________."

A couple weeeks ago I worked with a group on project that spun out of control for three years before it was put on hold. Boy, did that group need to hold on to something positive.

After we closed for the day, on of the participants came up and said, "It felt really awkward to follow that formula, and it fell so good to hear it.

On my last day there, I worked with the management team to put some plans in place to act on the teams recommendations. And more than once I heard someone say "_____________, I appreciate you for _____________."

(BTW: I don't save appreciations to reinforce behavior, I use them rather liberably becuase there are lots of small things people do that I appreciate. And heaven knows, too many of us go through the day without ever knowing someone appreciates that we are there, doing what we do).

I'll work on my list.

EstherDerby 090902

• I appreciate JerryWeinberg for providing SHAPE, and persisting that "It doesn't have to be that way."
• I appreciate NynkeFokma, StilesRoberts and BeckyWinant for inviting me to play at The Inn at http://www.MoreFullyHuman.com/
• I appreciate JerryWeinberg and NynkeFokma for offering to advise me while I'm "tilting at windmills"
• I appreciate the whole gang behind AYE for letting me play on this Wiki.
• I appreciate JohannaRothman for some mutual feedback sessions, and the opportunity to participate on the hiring book.
  

So many more, but that's five!
- BobLee 2002.09.09

Bob, don't let five be the limit. -Steve

From: SteveSmith
Sent: Monday, September 09, 2002 1:08 PM
To: Tim
Cc: Manager, Manager, Manager
Subject: Appreciation for Outstanding Work

Tim,

I appreciate you for the outstanding service you provided XYZ during the performance problems on Friday. Key people at XYZ value you because they know you will doggedly pursue a problem and solve it no matter how long it takes. Furthermore, Joe Customer knows that you thoroughly research configuration creations and modifications to prevent problems from ever happening. That's why he asks for your personal involvement in all changes regardless of the location of a Widget.

Yeah, I know it takes more than a single person to identify and solve a complex Widget problems. But, you are the person who projects our hardware support to the customer. I can't think of anyone I would rather have projecting ABC support. Your support makes a difference in customer satisfaction after the sale and, believe me, that satisfaction makes a difference before the sale.

For instance, staying until 2AM on Saturday to complete the configuration changes so the foundation for eliminating the performance problems was laid may be part of your job description, but I consider those actions above and beyond the call of duty.

I'm ecstatic that you are a member of the XYZ account team.

Nice work,
-Steve

From: SteveSmith
Sent: Monday, September 09, 2002 1:20 PM
To: Dave
Cc: Manager, Manager, Manager
Subject: Appreciation for Outstanding Work

Dave,

I appreciate you for the outstanding analysis you gave XYZ about the performance problems on Friday. Your analysis was clear and the explanation was at just the right level. The people at XYZ understood the problem and how it could be resolved. I was very impressed with your skill at explaining the situation.

Only a few people could analyze this kind of a problem. Even fewer could clearly explain the analysis. You did both. Nice work.

Best regards,
-Steve

From: SteveSmith
Sent: Monday, September 09, 2002 1:59 PM
To: Don
Cc: Manager, Manager, Manager
Subject: Appreciation for Outstanding Work

Don,

I appreciate you for once again being the man behind the scenes during the XYZ performance problems on Friday. Your approach to handling customer situations is so consistently right on that I often take your work for granted. The work you did to gather and analyze the performance problems separately from Dave's analysis confirmed the problem and help point us all to a solution. And, your dedication to work with Tim until 2AM to lay the foundation for improving performance affirmed to people at XYZ that ABC does truly provide outstanding support.

I consider you to be one of the finest SEs I have ever had to pleasure to work with. Thank you for the outstanding work you did on Friday. Please accept one of my biggest compliments -- you made a difference.

Best regards,
-Steve

I am amazed and grateful for the time you made 3 days before your wedding to write a letter of reference. Your reliability is a character trait that I have valued and undoubtedly your current and future partners will value as well.

Many thanks,
Becky

I appreciate your courage to state your expectations in a clear and straightforward manner. I think your honest communication encourages the kind of business relationship that is successful regardless of specific outcome. I have enjoyed working with you, am energized by your enthusiasm and hope our conversations continue to be as open.

Thank you for taking a strong lead,
Becky

I appreciate your courage in taking an individual stand in a politically and potentially personally volitile situation. I am impressed by and appreciative of your courage to stick to your beliefs. You are a rare and special colleague and friend.

Thank you for your support,
Becky

I appreciate SteveSmith for his help that has always been offered without question.
I appreciate BobLee for his enthusiasm that sparked "AYE" and his eager participation in this wiki.
I appreciate all my AYE colleagues who I can't individually name because their efforts, of which I am unaware, are so seamless that my work in AYE can remain focused.
I appreciate SherryHeinze whose enthusiasm is so infectious that I want AYE to succeed so that we can all be with Sherry.
I appreciate SusieBrame who is such a delight to work with and who has made my year easier because of her support.

- BeckyWinant 2002.09.09

SteveSmith 2002.09.14

KeithRay 2002.09.15

I think "appreciate" can help one escape the narrow focus of "not my problem" thinking.

--BobLee 2002.09.16

I appreciate JerryWeinberg for helping me to think. Specifically, I appreciate you Jerry, for taking the time to help me draw up my inadequate tester dynamic.

I appreciate BobLee and DwaynePhillips for being such stalwart and incredible book reviewers.

I appreciate DaleEmery and DwaynePhillips for reviewing my articles more than less frequently, and helping me see what the heck I wrote :-)

I appreciate SteveSmith for leading the AYE organizing team this year. It's hard to imagine how much work it is until you've done it, and Steve, you're doing a great job.

I appreciate NaomiKarten for agreeing to do a speaking session with me, and I appreciate Naomi for the nudge to initiate the material creation.

I appreciate my husband, Mark, for being my house-boy, my cappucino-boy, my lover-boy :-), and an all-around fabuloso person to be with. Unfortunately, Mark is not coming to AYE this year, so those of you who don't know him won't have an opportunity to meet him.

I appreciate KeithRay for his offer to do TDD and pair-programming with him at AYE. My hope and wish is that he still likes me afterwards.

--JohannaRothman 2002.09.17 (edited for readability 2002.09.18)

What an interesting comment. Thanks.

I am in the throws of beind exposed to some non-management at a client site. There's little enough I can do about that. But it did get me thinking. Somehow, we manage to leech all the enthusiasm and appreciation out of management roles. In some organizations, it appears to be against the culture to actually want your people to do something cool.

I have been described sometimes as a "big kid." Once when I asked what that was about, and was told that my enthusiasm for making things work was kind of kid like. Good lord, I hope we're not in this business if we don't want to make things works. I hope we're not managing people if we don't want them to do good stuff. I hope we're not doing things for others, if we don't want those others to be better off for what we've done for them - and maybe even say so. I hope we're not in the business of any business without being all excited about our own ability to add some value.

Spare me from situations where I'm supposed to check my enthusiasm at the door.

So, I'm going to keep up with the the appreciations that I dispense (singly or in combination) every day when I have a team:

• Wow.
• That's cool.
• That rocks!
• Well, I guess you just earned your money today.
• That worked.
• Did you notice what s/he just did, there?

And I appreciate Larry "The Wounded Gorilla" Burrows, who first, successfully taught me that if he could do everything he was asking me to do, one of us was redundant. "Good Management - The Courage to be Redundant" would be a pretty good theme and title for an article on delegation in management. So I'll appreciate myself for noticing that - that's pretty cool. I guess I just justified my existence for the day.

Now, it turns out that you don't have to be "the boss" to have a team. We're all part(s) of various teams. We have the team and the team has us, independent of positional authority and management responsibility. So, for this team, as for Aye - cool, the Wiki rocks, all the coordinating stuff works and reliably too, and this Wiki itself is strewn with leadership events - did you notice?

We seem to be earning our keep. Way to be, us.

- JimBullock, 17-Sept-2002

I appreciate all posters here for showing the way. And I particularly want to express appreciation to KeithRay for leading me to Shape (and consequently AYE) at precisely the right time.

On a less upbeat note, it can be a lot harder to express appreciation than it seems from looking at all the great examples above. In recent days I've had a devil of a time finding adequate words of appreciation for my wife of 13 years and mother of my 3 sons, who has the unfair burden of four children all day long now that I work out of home.

And wondered, because of a few tense conversations, about the relative worth of words and deeds in conveying appreciation, and the difficulty of aligning word, thought and deed in this regard. And wondered as well - not the first occasion to do so in recent times - whether effective and congruent behaviour is easier at work - and "at arm's length" - than at home or where a long-standing, close intimacy exists.

LaurentBossavit 2002.09.19

I've been reading "Punished by Rewards" this week. And I've been pondering the notion of "appreciate the behavior you want."

The core idea of the book is that rewards (whether tangible, like $$ or verbal, like praise) are essentially about control and manipulation. "If you do this, I'll give you a goody." Rewards backfire because people notice the motive to control. People recognize when praise is given to shape behavior.

What motivates people in the most positive way -- with out leaving a feeling of being manipulated -- is simply having their contribution or work noticed and appreciated.

And for me, that's what saying "I appreciate you" is about; noticing and appreciating when someone does somthing that makes my life a little easier, my day a little brighter, the work go more smoothly.

Whether they are more inclinded to repeat the behavior in the future is up to them. I appreciate it now, in the present, without a motive about the future. (Well, I guess I do have a motive, and that is to insert a small positive moment into a day that may not have many.)

So I would like to ammend the title of this discussion to Appreciate the People Around You (without attempt to shape their behavior).

EstherDerby 091902

For instance, do you believe when I said, "Esther, I appreciate you for your steadfast commitment to the conference." that I was trying to manipulate you? What would my appreciation make you do differently?

My intent was to appreciate you. If that encourages you to stay committed, great. Otherwise, it's your choice.

Too many times in this world people do the right things in the right way and have yet to get the results they want. I believe that appreciations reinforce good behavior and help them stay the course until they get the results they want.

Would my intended message have been better communicated if I had said encouragement rather than reinforcement?

SteveSmith 2002.09.19

I agree that most people see through manipulative intentions. Both the intent and the wording are important.

I am pretty clear that your intent does not include manipulation.

And the phrase "reinforce the behavior you want" could come right out of an operant conditioning handbook. To me, "encouragement" is a more appropriate word. And to move even further away from manipulation, I'd say appreciate the person , not their behavior.

BTW, I didn't feel manipulated by "Esther, I appreciate you for your steadfast commitment to the conference."

ED 092002

When I make an appreciation, I am appreciating both the person and the behavior. These two items go together like good food and fine wine. They reinforce each other. Drat, there is that word again.

I can't neatly separate the two parts of an appreication. What comes out seems flat to me. For instance, I could tell everyone I appreciate them for being them. For me, I think that notion is better expressed as I love you.

The more I think about this whole thing the more confused I get.

I believe the theory of operant conditioning is useful. I don't see anything wrong with the notion of wanting certain behavior. I want certain behavior from my wife, child, friends and colleagues. Other than Keri, my daughter, I think I've selected these people because they do, for the most part, behave the way I like. And, gulp, I reward them for behaving that way.

I guess that makes me manipulative. Am I behaving badly?

SteveSmith 2002.09.20

Finding appropriate words for someone you hold so dear can feel nearly impossible. How can you put so much into a few words? I think Esther provided the key here - focus on the moment. Appreciate your wife at specific moment for one thing. That moment and its feeling can make a big difference.

My partner, Robert, and I have worked together for many years (talk about tension making relationships!). I also would find myself feeling as though it was impossible to negate a moment of tension and impossible to say how much I really appreciated his help. He takes care of all the household bills and as I learned about appreciations, I appreciated him for his attention to these details. He carefully makes sure we aren't late, we incur no penalties and he keeps a detailed record on his computer. (A great task for an intP - with a capital P!) I dislike the detail and, while he doesn't really care for it, he does it so that I can do something else.

As Esther said, it makes my day brighter and go more smoothly. That is a nice gift.

- BeckyWinant Sept 19, 02

Here the story: Moved to separate page for stories

See AppreciatedBehaviorStories

-ErwinVanDerBij 2002.09.20

SteveSmith 2002.09.20