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LackingPersonalSkills

"Learning technology isn't what's at issue, thanks ot the standardization brought about by Ethernet. Instead, the human element is to blame for the shrinking number of control engineers in companies across the globe. ... 'Control engineers are good at being logical, but their people skills are typically underdeveloped,' Zeigenfuse says, 'whereas IT is used to working with people.'

To survive, they're [control engineers] going to be required to pick up people skills that were never required before.

The former control engineers have one advantage over the IT professional. They understand the urgency of most situations, whereas IT usually can't recognize that urgency.

If a production systems is offline because of a problem, no one needs to tell the control engineer to stay after 5 PM to fix it. An IT guy will leave at 5 PM and plan to deal with the problem in the morning."

Yes, it sounds like there are personal skills missing here. Along with a handful of generalizations, incorrect statements and flawed logic.

But the article did remind me that the "lacking personal skills" is starting to become a recurring theme. I've recently heard it from both the local IEEE and AIChE people.

There was some discussion just after last year's conference about the AYE Community ( AyersWorkingTogether ) doing a project. It seems that helping techies with personal skills might be one area in which we could contribute as a group.

But if we did, what would it look like, and how would we do it? DonGray 2003.04.22

--BobLee 2003.04.26

Maybe writing would help. If articles were written and edited by people with different perspectives ...

SherryHeinze 2003.04.23

I finally figured out how to get the 'edit' to work... so although I've been reading for a while, I will start contributing here.

I started reading this... found myself drawn into the topic, especially with Johanna?s and Dale?s personal comments ..... then found myself frustrated as the discussion wandered off to address publications and the 'technical means' to pursue this potential ?something?.

So, I?m ignoring the ?Who has the equipment and time to host a new Wiki on this ?topic??. (although it does make me think twice about us techies, who so quickly jump from discussing interpersonal skills to publishing and wiki?s??.)

Why was I drawn to this topic?

I feel that I need to, and am, spending a lot of effort trying to sort through the old patterns that contribute to my interpersonal ineffectiveness? and to trying to understand what characterizes interpersonal effectiveness. I have found that the writing on and discussions of congruence, as a concept and a way of being, are extremely valuable (can I say this is true, to some extent, for all of us?)? as are discussions of ?emotional intelligence?, and a number of other topics (in books and articles I?ve seen sited here on other pages).

My questions about this topic (right now) are:

• What have each of us done to address questions related to ?people skills? for ourselves?
  
  
• What would it be like if we were all able to do this successfully?

As to the latter, the Best I've been able to pull together from reading and discussions is:

If I/we were in a place where the people working/ playing/ being together were all Knowledgeable about themselves and sensitive to 'others and context -- and were committed to making it the most human/humane environment possible (i.e., all committed to acting in ways that we in this environment call 'congruent')

then

the best I/we are likely to see is a community characterized by an ongoing commitment to stop, listen, acknowledge and discuss problems that arise ? and to do so openly and congruently -- and the commitment to do this over and over and over again -- each time the inevitable misunderstanding and disagreements occur.

It seems that characterizing what it is we can realistically strive toward could form good groundwork for a discussion of what it is we are each doing, what we feel we need to do ? and what others might consider doing, looking at our experiences and learning....

What do you think?

DianeGibson 2003.04.26

My personal skills quest came with recognizing that my shyness and speaking abilties were holding me back, and were damaging to projects in scope negotiations.

I found that joining Toastmasters International (public speaking club) allowed me to confront my nervousness and train more effective habits. TM use a safe practice with constructive feedback approach. The club setting is high-trust and low risk of CareerLimitingMoves. I find I apply many of their techniques in both learning and instructing roles.

There are probably many routes to this kind of self knowledge, practice and forming better habbits. -- BobLee 2003.04.26

For me, I believe I go through a number of different steps, roughly described below...

Become aware of what I am doing....

Then start noticing when I do it.... and slowly become aware of patterns, actions, outcomes, reactions, results....

Get through the "Oh My Goodness, I see it now..." and into the back and forth "Oh, look at that. There I go again" or "Oh SHIT" reactions...

Read, talk to people -- maybe a therapist -- and develop possible alternatives.

TRY to substitute the new behavior -- and try again -- and try again -- and try again....

For me, the keys are:

• from another person ... increasing now, puzzlement at a repeating pattern.

• And, persistance combined with forgiveness .. and it is the latter which is most difficult for me.

Is that too long and too general to be useful? I can give specific examples....

DianeGibson 2003.04.28

BobLee 2003.04.28

I agree with you, and I just got a hold of Primal Leadership (haven't read it yet, though)

I also feel like I get good feedback from participation in the SEM group (and from Jerry in particular, although I only rarely ask him for feedback outside of SEM); from a very good friend; and from a therapist. A book mentioned on this list -- How you Talk Can Change the Way You WOrk -- also emphasizes working in groups.

It can be hard to make this happen, though. This community helps a lot!.... a rare gift, from my perspective.

Of course, if we were really writing something about this -- how could we suggest people find this?

(Yes, I'm interested in pursuing this more deeply, if anyone else is...)

DianeGibson 2003.04.28

BooksOnPersonalSkills

DianeGibson 2003.04.28

--JohnSuzuki 2003.04.28

On the other hand, I am a human and to that end, no matter how many times I might read/learn about something, if I don't practice it the skill doesn't get used or gets forgotten about. I am hoping at this year's AYE there will be more hands-on training/sessions where we can work through some interpersonal skill stuff. Like moving something through the change model - acting out pieces of the change model, realizing the importance of practice.

Charlie's Re-framing session last year was great. I look forward to going to Jerry and Becky's session that I didn't get a chance to last year. I guess what I am trying to say is although I may have even had classes on a lot of topics in the past, if I don't practice and use it, I forget it so need to constantly revisit it or talk about it. Hopefully we'll have more than just a few sessions around interpersonal skills to choose from.

LynnMarieHill - 07-May-2003

DwaynePhillips 29 May 2003

When I asked her for other examples of my mis-behavior, the only concrete things she could name was the time I told her my eyes were burning, and that maybe it was her perfume. (She apparently didn't hear my explanation about allergies and sensitivities after I said the word "perfume".) And one time that I left too quickly. (I either had an appointment, or very urgently needed to go the restroom, or both.)

It's gotta be my face, or something else non-verbal. Maybe it looks like I'm rolling my eyes. The actual words I say are pretty innocuous and not impolite, but are often not heard as if I said "I don't like you" when that's not what I'm thinking.

CKR

It's like H. L. Menken wanted written as his epitaph: "If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. -H.L. Mencken, Epitaph (The Smart Set, December 1921)

It costs you nothing to help people feel a bit better about themselves. At least not if you have the personal skills for it. - JerryWeinberg 2003.06.02

DwaynePhillips 10 June 2003

DwaynePhillips 15 July 2003